Why the church might be better off if it were more like Fight Club...

I know this is a bit of s stretch, and obviously some things would have to be different, and of course there is more then a little tongue in cheek and train of thought, and maybe some for fun but...

Rule #1: You do not talk about church!
-Well, let's be real honest here, outside of to others that are in church, or in the club, how many of you talk about church club anyway? No real change here...

Rule #2: You do not talk about the church!!
-See explanation of rule #1... and let's take it a step farther, in the movie, the members had myriad bumps and bruises showing their membership. The Bible says that we will be known as Christians by our love. I think of Paul and Moses' countenances shining and think that we may not even have to talk about it. It will be all over us anyway...

Rule #3: If someone says "stop", taps out, or goes limp, church is over.
-C'mon, how many of you have wished the sermon would "just end already"? Or that at least this particular point could be moved on from... And how many of you, you don't have to raise your hands, how many of you have thought to yourself on a Sunday, that last weeks sermon was REALLY long and the pastor just kept pounding and pounding away on this point or that... and maybe you will just skip next week?

Rule #4: Only 2 guys to a group.
-Here is where the stretching gets into high gear, but I think there is a lot to be said about one-on-one stuff. Relationships, honesty, openness, these are things that thrive on quality time, and get lost easily in crowds. Discipleship. Think about it... There are a few churches that could stand a little more of this...

Rule #5: One fight at a time.
-How much could be learned if one issue was given more then a 45 minute sermon? Or if the time together on a Sunday was prioritized and streamlined better? It seems too often be so cut up and segmented that it is a wonder anything is taken from the meeting. Announcements, greetings, offertory, worship, sermon, dismissal, etc. etc. What if churches focused on being the church, and didn't worry so much about the business stuff?

Rule #6: No shirt, no shoes.
-This one is too easy, and I guess Joe's influence surfaces here. Come as you are, and don't feel a need to cover yourself in finery. You are not at the church to make an impression (at least you shouldn't be), you are there to get down to business, so be ready for that, and while we are at it, be ready to get dirty...

Rule #7: Church will go as long as it has to.
-This would seem to contradict rule #3, but I think they can both live together in harmony. I think there will be times when some need to stay longer, maybe find themselves at the altar, or just needing a little more time in the presence... and I think that that shouldn't be required, but should be possible.

Rule #8: If this is your first night at church, you have to participate.
-This is pretty touchy, and I am not sold on it, but I like the premise. In the movie, it is clear what Fight Club is and what those that show up there are showing up for. I think that the church is the same way. You know what it is, and you are going into it with that knowledge accompanied with a desire. You go to church because you want something more. Why not jump right in and get after it? What is the point of sitting in the back for months/years? I mean really, would it be so bad?

I also really like the part in the movie where the members start getting assignments and eventually start Project Mayhem. This concept is what really got the ball rolling for me... How cool would it be to not only go to a church that you were invested in enough to ACCEPT homework assignments, but to actually go out there and change the world? Even if only in small ways? Instead of starting a fight with a stranger, you could love a stranger. Put a bumper sticker on your car. Pray before a meal in a restaurant. Visit the hospital. Heck, hold a door for someone. Put someone's cart away for them. Give back the extra change the cashier accidentally gave you. The list could go on. Try it, sometimes it is fun just for its own sake and I have never wished that I hadn't done something kind for someone else.

And let's not forget the investment part. In the movie, the men were given something that they craved and they were willing to give their lives for it, and even die for it. This should be our view of Christianity, and the church should be a place providing this for us. Are you willing to die for what your church is doing? (Do you know what your church is doing for that matter?) They were invested. Are you?

Like I said, this is full of stretches, and tongue in cheek, but it got me thinking, and I don't think that is a bad thing...

I honestly didn't think you would ever read this...

I didn't think you would ever read this, and that thought gave me the courage to say some things that I didn't think I ever could

The chance that maybe you would read them, gave me voice, for they are things that I wish I could say aloud, even if I didn't think that you would hear me...

I didn't think you would ever read this, and maybe you never will...

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how...

It really makes me sad... or Am I the only one thinking this? (I ask myself that question A LOT!)

I'll be honest, I am a little nervous to post this... I am afraid that someone, or someones, will take it the wrong way, not read it and try to see my heart and just... well... pre-condemn... but not posting was getting to me too...

So I was in a church last night and everyone was getting very fired up about Proposition 8... I live in CA and Prop 8 is referred to as the "Marriage Protection Act". It is an initiative to have the state constitution amended to include a clause that would define marriage in the state as "between a man and a woman". Now I have no problem with the state defining marriage this way. It is the only way that I believe marriage should be. Period. However, the church's stand on the issue is what makes me very sad (I was honestly fighting to not release this emotion during the meeting as my eyes welled up...). I am still a little emotional about it, so this may come off as an incoherent rant, but I felt compelled to try...

It seems to me that there is just a lot wrong with this whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I am against unions between anything that isn't "one man and one woman" for many reasons, and I am certainly against making it socially acceptable, or in having my (potential) children hearing in school that marriage comes in many forms and they are all "good and beautiful" or whatever will be taught, but this is just as much about the church as it is about the Proposition...

I don't even really know how to start it off. To me it just seems too crazy... The first thing that hit me I guess was this thought... "I have been going to this church and others off and on for a long, LONG time and this is just about the most fired up I have seen people/leadership in a church get, and for this? Really? Not that it shouldn't cause some emotion, but of all the terrible things going on in the world, children starving, Christians being martyred, governments oppressing people, etc., this, THIS is what is going to push a church(es) into such a widespread, all encompassing, fired up, fasting, praying, protesting, spending machine?! Really? (Did I mention that I drove into this church onto uneven ground for the 4th straight week as they are re-doing their seemingly good parking lot by completely tearing it out... granted I am not completely certain of the circumstances of the re-do but... ...sigh...) It makes me sad. There are millions, probably billions of dollars being spent on various things surrounding this Proposition including conferences, speakers, airfare to and from, flyers, commercials, salaries, time off work (if we are talking "gross" economy, and why not?), yard signs, bumperstickers, etc. The amount of actual social change that could be made globally with this kind of an effort astonishes me. And it is all being spent to tell people in essence to get out and vote the way that they already are going to vote anyway. (It reminds me of the recent national conventions where the candidates stood up in front of thousands of people that were already going to vote for them, to encourage them and convince them that they should in fact vote for the person that they are already voting for.) It seems like a colossal waste to me. How many thousands of children/families could be shown the love of Jesus with a hot meal... for an entire year?! I think of those commercials for the agencies advertising that you can feed and clothe a child for under $1 a day... (The most recent I saw, just last night in fact, was for $24 a month...) Think of just the plane ticket sales to travel to a prayer conference for 100,000 people... You do the math... I even read one source that said that just the campaigning for both sides would total over $30 million. Just the campaign funds! I wonder what God thinks of it all...

It also makes me wonder if the church had been doing its job, perhaps this Proposition (not to mention others) wouldn't need proposing. Here is the deal, I believe that Christianity not only makes sense, but that it works and that Jesus is the ONLY way. It is one of the only things that I have found that does make sense. So if the church had been out loving hurting and confused people, showing them the light, showing them Jesus, then maybe the church and what it stands for would have more sway, would be more powerful in the realm not only of politics, but society as a whole. If the church was out showing people, and loving people, and demonstrating to people, true love, God's love, then they just might not feel as strong a need to go looking for love in the places they do. I don't think of homosexuals as evil, they are people just like the rest of us that want to both love and be loved. And let's be honest, with the way that society and even the church treats marriage these days, what is being defended? What about all the vows, taken before God, VOWS, that have been broken? Really? This Proposition is the thing that is going to awaken the church from its slumber and get "organized and mobilized"?

And on that point, part of me wonders if good could come if the Prop. doesn't pass (not that I will vote against it, or that I think anyone should), part of me thinks it could be better for the church if it doesn't pass. Too many times I have seen the church get behind something like this and once it is voted on, and they get their way, the issue is swept away and forgotten again. The ISSUE here isn't going anywhere, and there will still be people living, actually LIVING, the same way whether the proposition passes or not. The issue won't leave, the sin won't be expunged by simply voting a phrase into a state's constitution... The work will not be over, in fact we could probably say that the Proposition itself likely will give no change TOWARDS Jesus in anyone's heart... In fact, perhaps it will push some away from the church, away from people that could show them Jesus... Yet another ...sigh...

A problem that I have with the idea of the previous paragraph is that I worry that there are churches that do not feed enough spiritual "meat" to their congregations for the congregants to understand the implications of the Proposition not passing. In other words, I worry that churches may not have built up enough faith in their congregations to withstand such a Proposition failing to pass after all the effort and prayers and fasting and faith put into it passing. There could literally be people whose faith would be shaken enough to not know what to do with themselves, or with God, if the loud public prayers not only of themselves, but of so many others, don't seem to come to any avail. I could picture a lot of "Why would God allow this to happen?" perhaps in a extreme case being followed by, "Who is this God? Is He real? Doesn't He care about what is going on? Etc." It is a scary thought, but I had it... I live for a God that has already decided history, and has a plan for it all. Not to say that I shouldn't live my life the way that He has called me to, or that we shouldn't vote because God has already decided, etc. but to say that He is in control, and will be EVEN IF the Prop. doesn't pass and some unions will be termed "marriages" that are not between one man and one woman.

While, once again, I am generally opposed to the actions involved in marital unions that are not one man and one woman, I wonder what kind of a message the church is sending with hitting so hard on this Prop.? What are the people looking for that want to be "married"? And what is the Proposition trying to stop? Let's face it, the behavior is not the issue in the Prop. The sin is not the issue in the Prop. The actions/lifestyle are happening and will continue to happen basically unchanged regardless of any phrase in the state's constitution. So homosexuality itself is not even really being defended by the Prop.'s opponents, that isn't the question. The question is the rights of "married" couples and who gets to be called "married". A legality. Again, not the actions, or commitments, or lifestyle. So what do people that are opposed to the Prop. think of the church? Remember, they are not in the church, they are in the world. Their motives would appear to be to love the person that they love and join in a binding commitment to that person and to have their loving commitment recognized publicly. They would see the church and proponents of the Prop. as opposed to their rights, and why would anyone want to oppose rights (in their eyes)? It doesn't make the church look too good. I might even say that it could push the people looking for the Prop. to fail further away from wanting anything to do with the church, and everything the church stands for... I wonder how Jesus would have handled it? I don't know that the Prop. would have been an issue with Him in and of itself. He would have opposed the sin, and I would say that the legal contract of "marriage" is not the sin, or the title "marriage", it is more of a symptom of the sin, so stopping the "marriage" doesn't really accomplish much besides giving some people more reason to dislike those that voted for the Prop. and consequently, the church. Imagine someone having been shot and an infection spreading to their arm because the bullet was never removed. A doctor comes in and amputates the arm, but leaves the bullet in. What did he really accomplish? How would you think of that doctor? Do you see what I am getting at? Again, I am not saying don't get out and vote, but I am saying that it probably shouldn't be the only thing we do, and it shouldn't be the most public, the thing that the church is known for... (On a very related side-note, "domestic partnerships" are already legal in CA. Basically this is "marriage" without being called that WORD... But it is a legally binding commitment between 2 people affording many rights and has requirements including that it must be between 2 people that do not have other "domestic partners" and are of the same sex or one of them is over the age of 62.)

To think of it, I am fairly bothered even by the fact that the church even feels that it needs to keep pounding into its congregation the way that it should vote. Shouldn't the church be giving a sufficient foundation to those that attend for them to already have the info on how to vote? They should know! They shouldn't have to be reminded on "how" to vote, even if some may have to be reminded "when" to vote. Does the church not have enough faith in its congregation, and by association then, in itself, to know that they will know the right choice?

I guess after all this, I am just not really sure what to think... And I really don't think I can keep going (not because I am done, but because it wears me out...) At some point, my disappointment in "the church" at large seeped in, and it became apparent that the real issue isn't necessarily the stance on Prop 8, but that is more of a symptom of where things are at, a sign of what is going on and one that seemed to work to allow voice to other concerns that are touched by this issue... Basically, you could probably replace "Proposition 8" with any number of superficial hot-button issues of the time. This happens to be a current one... I do at times have a hard time understanding what "the church" is doing these days... Must be time for some more prayer...


At the risk of sounding a little... at the risk of going against my reputation... I am listening to Brooke Fraser at the moment... I have once again found myself with a weakness for a girl and her piano...

Emotions... a counterpoint for the sake of argument...

I have been thinking about emotions lately for some unknown reason, and for whatever other reason, I find it far easier to be in opposition to the norm, at least for the sake of allowing the norm to defend itself against real questions and by passing them to come out of the ordeal more firmly entrenched. (I feel I need to say this, even to myself, from time to time just to remind myself that I don't always think of myself as right, sometimes I think out loud and in doing so, say things that I am thinking, but not necessarily convinced of... In doing this I think of myself as not afraid to ask the questions to find out what "right" really is, even at the cost of looking "wrong" in my attempts...) Anyway, I sometimes think that, contrary to what seems to be the popular belief, emotions should rule us. They are after all what makes us human, and not animal or robot. OK, not "rule" us, but I think it is a bit odd to say that emotions shouldn't affect us. Why do people think God spent so much time and energy putting them into us? And giving them such a strong influence over us? We are created in His image after all, and I would say that God has emotions. If we even go as far as saying that emotions are coming from somewhere deep inside, they are reactions that we have, almost preprogrammed into us, almost instinctual, perhaps it could be argued that we rely far too little on our emotions. Now let's not get carried away, surely we can and do react wrongly to them, or interpret them incorrectly, but that is not the "emotions" fault. I would argue that I should get sad when sad things happen, and angry when evil happens. And those emotions should at times cause action. I have heard people, especially in the church since it seems to be "church-speak", talk about giving our emotions to God... Letting Him take them... Why does it have to be us giving God our emotions. Isn't He the one that gave emotions to us? Why do we have to take that and say "no thanks God". Maybe the answer is to learn to interpret them and act on them, not eliminate them, not "not feel" them. Not handcuff their effect on us and repress them... I guess that is just me thinking out loud though... maybe getting a little emotional about the whole thing...

Barrier of distance...

This week past week was a hard week for me. There are some people in my life that are very important to me and the only thing rivaling their importance at present is their distance from me. Occasionally that hits and it hits hard...

In particular this post speaks to my nephews and nieces. I am learning a lot about love from them, and perhaps about the human condition as well, you see, I really do love them. And when I say "love" I mean with all of my heart. I honestly didn't realize how much I did. I think part of me thought of myself as "just" Uncle Brad, and indeed that is a correct description of who I am, but the "just" is not so accurate. I thought of the word because I always thought that I would love my own children, and indeed I am sure that I will, but I didn't think it would be quite like THIS with children that weren't my own. Keeping in mind that over the years I have known and cherished literally hundreds of relationships with hundreds of children and youth, but this is different. I cry when I think of them, as if my mind and my heart cannot deal with the thought of the separation. And that is where the confusion starts, you see, I didn't know I could love someone this much that I couldn't have a relationship with the way that I had thought of relationships. In relationships you communicate, you endure together, you fight, you forgive, you earn things like trust and respect and you come out of that with love. But it takes work. This is not the case with these young ones. The love has nothing to do either with what I do or what they do. In fact, I would be hard pressed to describe the "relational dynamics" that we have... It is a bond that seems to exist for its own sake.

But here is the rub... Toddlers/babies are different from older folks, and this is what makes it so hard... It is easy to stay friends with adults. There are myriad ways to communicate and "stay in touch"... connect. This is not the case with my nieces and nephews. There is a good chance that Noah, Elena and Kira have no idea that I exist. That doesn't affect my love for them, but it does make my absence harder. As far as I know, I cannot even connect with them in their memories, but I could in reality if I was there. If only I could hold them, touch them, feed them, simply be with them and build a foundation, not only of love or trust, but of knowledge. Distance is hard... And then there is Aiden and Shiri. Thanks to my beautiful sisters, these kids can recognize me, and know to at least associate the visual image of me with the words "Uncle Brad", even if they don't fully know what that title means. I think they know me, and that they generally like me, and at that age, that translates to love on their part. (It is also aided by the fact that they live in a family culture where all they know is love so that they can immediately accept and "love" anyone that is introduced into that culture, such as "Uncle Brad". But I digress...) The problem with these two comes from the fact that they are as yet not at an age where they can grasp the somewhat abstract idea that the disembodied voice they hear when their mothers or Gram gives them the phone is not only someone they know, but is in fact the very person of "Uncle Brad". Uncle Brad is known by who he is. He is a person, they know what he looks like. He is not simply the voice in the phone. He is the man in the picture. The guy that wrestled with them, hugged them, read to them. But hey, the voice is cool. It was only just recently that I finally heard speech from their end on the phone, and it both gave me hope, and caused me pause (and inspired this post). It hit me that they didn't know it was me, that is why they had previously not spoken. And indeed, even now, the speech was more a reflection of their newfound ability to express themselves through speech then an actual desire to communicate with the specific entity of "Uncle Brad". They just wanted to talk, like they see their parents do, mostly because there is an adult near them telling them to talk. But as I said, it did give me hope. It is a progression, and soon, with these all too brief "conversations", their continued development and the all too infrequent visit they will grow and so will our relationship, and soon they will be able to know they are loved, even though I am not there. And they will be able to express that I am loved right back, and more importantly, do so with a knowledge of what they are expressing. Until then it is hard sometimes, and indeed, I am sure that even if/when that time comes, it will not necessarily make the experience of the distance much easier... but there is hope.

At any rate, I love you Aiden, Shiri, Elena, Kira and Noah (and Isaac) and I miss you every day...

Love,
Uncle Brad

Listening to the album Boxer by The National

This is a bit of a crossover blog...

As the title suggest, this one could have just as easily fallen under the other blog, as it was an event attached to a specific day (today) which I will be addressing. However, I thought that the content and intent made its inclusion in this blog make more sense... if it makes any sense at all...

It happened today, or should I say, it happened AGAIN today... you know, that sense that you have been somewhere before, done something before... and it is inexplicable. Not a memory, but almost like you had foreknowledge of an event... Some call it deja vu... At any rate, it got me thinking...

So there I was, standing in a parking lot of restaurant that had just opened, waiting for someone that I have not known very long to arrive... I mention these details because I want to dismiss the explanation that it could have simply been an even that had coincidentally happened before. This was not something that had happened before... but I had knowledge of it, the restaurant, the layout of the parking lot, the time of day (sun and its intensity and angle of delineation) the person I was waiting for, her being late, everything. It was just odd, but I was so certain that I had seen this scene through my eyes before...

The feeling was so strong that it got me thinking... How much of the divine is in us... what if this was simply a glimpse of eternity... what if for a moment I saw things outside of this temporal universe, as we imagine God sees things. The events had already played out, I knew what was happening, yet it hadn't "happened" yet, and won't happen again... Is this how God sees our world? Just a thought I had... We are after all, eternal beings created in His image. Is it too much to think that we have existed as we will continue existing? That our conceived universe ruled by "time" is part of a bigger universe which has no such boundaries? I am getting out of my depth both in understanding as well as ability to explain what I am really thinking, but I had to at least try to get it out there and see what came of it...

I thought it was interesting...

An open letter... first attempt... perhaps of many...

I am sorry... I am sorry that I cannot, for all my attempts and intentions, love you. I do not mean love you with my heart, for that is without question, and never in doubt. Instead I am sorry that I seem unable to love you with the rest of me. I am sorry for the expression of my love. I am sorry for always seeming to get it wrong. I am sorry that I cannot express with my mouth and with my hands that which is so strong and clear in my heart, that which I feel so strongly that I fear I will explode if the expression of it is not at least attempted. And there, perhaps, is the problem. I am forced to try to express a flood with a faucet. I am sorry that I don't know how to love you, how to show you, how to offer proof. I wish that my heart was transparent so that you could look directly inside and see that which is contained therein. That all the jumbled, myriad thoughts and feelings could be expressed as a laser, clear, focused, direct and true, slicing through all the noise, and all the interpretations. Cutting direct from my heart to yours, forming a link of true expression, with all static and interference eliminated in its wake.

For now this is all that I have, and all I can do is beg your forgiveness and offer the promise that I will keep trying, I will keep loving and I will keep hoping that one day I will get it right.

Sincerely,

brad

I find it oddly sensical...

Thinking some more on my most recent post, I am struck yet again by what appears to be my inability to realize and internalize simple truths without some sort of object lesson. Just like back in the day, except for now it takes a little more than felt stories to grab my attention I guess. Personally, I blame the media.

Thank God for God...

So I have been thinking lately... well... pretty much just what the title of this post is. Thank God for God. There have been a couple of fairly dramatic posts coming out of my mac lately and again, not truly representative so I wanted to make sure that I tried to balance things a little. In doing so I think it is best to give praise to Him that most deserves it. He truly is always by my side. There is a certain comfort and freedom in His presence. I know that it is ok to feel and express some of these things (even be a little over-dramatic about them at times ;-) ) because the most important relationship in my life is a constant and unchanging wonder. it doesn't matter what I do, or where I go. He not only loves me, but He is always there with me. That is pretty freeing. I am not saying that I have this concept down, or remember/grasp it all the time, but it is definitely an enormous part of my life. I can be ok with joy because my eternity is secure, I can be ok with a little pain or confusion, because my eternity is secure. I can risk in my life, because my eternity is secure and I know who I am going to spend it with.

Thank You, thank You, thank You.