Damn...

1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (Amplified)

⁴Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

⁵It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

⁶It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

⁷Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

⁸Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

It is still true... and I know it... and I believe it. But sometimes it is hard, because love is hard. When all these things are in you, it hurts all the more when nothing comes back. When quitting and loving are not possible in the same breath, the choice, even though obvious, still holds difficulty. Sacrifice is written all over these words, and all over love. Love is scary, because giving it can almost feel like disappearing at times. Like "I" am no longer there, only love, and the object of that love. And conversely, without love, I feel as though I am the only one, that I am completely alone. That is a feeling too terrifying to consider.

I have recently, and now again, been considering the old saying that it is "better to have loved and lost", and I think that I still hold it to be true. Love is an amazing thing through which I believe humanity feels the very depths and heights of emotion and even existence. Without it life is loss. I do not believe love to be something extinguished by any force known to us, tempered yes, but never quelched. It is the fuel for the engine that drives our very soul, and the smallest measure's potency is unmatched by any other motivator. It can lift us up or drive us mad. Such is its power, and such is its risk, but one that I gladly accept, even after tasting the madness of it. Even in the madness there is a glimpse of beauty. The knowledge of something so pure, so powerful, is worth the pursuit.

For those of you that have followed me for any length of time across various domain names and cyber space providers, you know that this is not a new subject for me to offer, but for me there is none greater, and one that I want to get right above all else. And so I will continue in my pursuit of understanding and living... These thoughts came out jumbled and random but that representation is probably not far off of the truth as I strive and forge ahead into the mystery...