When I grow up I want to be like Heathcliff Huxtable....

I recently watched through Season 1 of The Cosby show and the one thing that kept hitting me over and over again was the relationship that Bill Cosby's character had with everyone else. I found myself seeing a realization of someone that I would love to be. Everyone in the show, everyone that he came into contact with knew they were cherished, loved and appreciated. It flowed from him. This is what allowed for much of the comedy on the show. Since all the other characters knew they were "loved" by Dr. Huxtable, he was free to joke around with them, be sarcastic, gently "rib" them. There was no confusion, or wondering "why is he picking on me?" etc. They knew it was all in fun. 

I wish I could be like this. I so often feel misunderstood. I constantly struggle with being misunderstood. I have to be so careful of joking around with people because it seems like we have such a hard time trusting people, and even accepting love. We are so concerned with how we stand that we cannot accept anything short of compliments. We forget that love is so much more often the cause of pain then anything else we may run across. Strangers don't really hurt us. Their opinions don't hold weight with us. Who cares if some random person calls me stupid? It means a lot less then if my best friend did. I think that there is selfishness and pride in our reactions to other people as well. We hold a place of high esteem in our own hearts and minds and if that comes under any sort of attack, real or simply wrongly perceived, we cannot handle it. We have to defend ourselves from the attack. How dare they? I think sometimes we lash back because we have this need to elevate ourselves. Or maybe it is our lack of self confidence? Sometimes we think of ourselves as low, and we spend our time trying to hide our short comings from everyone so when it seems like someone might be pointing them out, or has discovered them, we immediately throw up more battlements in our defense. Turn on an attack to distract and turn the tables. It is amazing how much pain we can cause ourselves out of our own frailty. Weakness begetting weakness. Oh how we long deep down to be loved! How afraid we are to allow ourselves to be loved though! Somehow, Dr. Huxtable was able to live above this. True, he was a fictional character, but I don't think that means such a life, such an aura, is unattainable. It is certainly a pursuit worthy of my efforts...